| (no subject) |
[Jan. 6th, 2007|01:27 pm] |
I Cant wait to go tonight.
I cant wait to just forget everything and be with someone who doesnt no anything.
To be me.
To be happy.
Im leaving my phone at home, cause it just makes me remeber.
I cant wait to see sam =] |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 27th, 2006|05:43 pm] |
Oh my god.
my grandad has collapsed
he has had a stroke.
I want to see him.
I am here alone wondering and my dad has left his phone.
omg. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 24th, 2006|10:10 pm] |
I called her.
what can i say?
i tryed!
god i need to learn to talk on a phone.
I really do hope she has a good xmas.
i just.. dunno.. wish she cared a bit more!
well, i am glad i got that off my mind,
might let me get a bit more festive |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2006|02:24 pm] |
I am listening to robbie williams =S
score.
I fell from the top floor to the bottom of the garage.
it was horrible.
y mum was gunna take me to teh hospital but i didnt want to go.
but i must say, my arm fucking kills. |
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| Bored |
[Dec. 16th, 2006|05:23 pm] |
Had an alright day today.
It was good this morning with Harriet and in town, but then i got back and argued with alli and i feel really bad.
She just slammed the door on my and drove back home.
i feel so stupid.
I can't WAIT for tonight!
i love it that i have my old friends back.
and nothing is awkward anymore.
Bit worried about seeing chad again.
he has been texting me saying he wants to se eme again
but when i kissed him it was only like friend to friend because we re playing a game.
he proberly doesnt mean it like that tho, he is just being friendly.
i cant wait to see ben, but his tupid phone is off and he has to credit to ring me back.
Ill try and get his home number from eli soon.
My makeup has just smudge everywhere ause i forgot it was drying and rubbed it.
bugger.
my god i look so cool dressed as a gangsta =S
brrr its faking freeziing |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 10th, 2006|07:25 pm] |
I had a good weekend.
Al came over on friday night, which was good, although i had a bad day at school.
Saturday i spent £200 in town!
i got everyone present for my family, which is a relif.
and then i went to the pub with my family, which was actually surprisingly good.
I met up with some of my old friends, and we played spin the bottle.
although it was really awkward at first it got bettter.
then today my family all came over and i spent the day with caz cause i havnt seen her in a ageeeees.
i cant wait to meet her boyfriend.
i have seen him in a picture and he is fucking gorgous!
my god.. trust her to get with a male model!
I am seeing eli on monday hopefully!
i cant wait to just get back to normal with her!
i just awnt to see her face again, its been 5 days! and thast like a record!
i love her so much, she is such a good friend to me.
I am seeing ben on wednesday.
i realise just how glad i am that he likes me now.
and the way he talks to me.
he has no credit now, but i will call him tomorrow.
urrghh.. i am so wet.
i just sat in the middle of a field in teh rain earlier cause i was too hot.
and now.. i k9inda regret it =P |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 5th, 2006|07:42 pm] |
i CANNOT spell.
right
THATS.
not thast.
or tahts
THATS THATS THATS THATS THATS THATS. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 5th, 2006|07:38 pm] |
I fell alright now
i got a lot off my chest
i am SO SO glad i talked to eli.
i no it is not all sorted and there is a lot more i need to prove.
but i am glad its a start.
and fresh start i hope.
thast whats good for me.
but espeshially eli.
I dont no what to do.
all i want to do is bundle eli up and cover her in cotton wool and make sure she is ok.
but i no that if i act all sorry for her thast not what she wants, cause she doesnt want to be reminded of it.
I will just try adn be there for her, and reasure her thast i am here, for whatever she is going through.
My god this song is well depressing :S
These are your good years
don't take my advice
you never wanted the nice boys anyway
and I'm of good cheer
cause I've been checking my list
the gifts you're receiving from me
will be
one awkward silence
and two hopes you cry yourself to sleep
staying up, waiting by the phone
and all I want this year is for you to dedicate your last breath to me
before you bury yourself alive
don't come home for Christmas
you're the last thing I wanna see
underneath the tree
merry Christmas, I could care less
happy new years baby
you owe me
the best gift I will ever ask for
don't call me up, when the snow comes down
its the only thing I want this year
one awkward silence
and two hopes you cry yourself to sleep
staying up, waiting by the phone
and all I want this year is for you to dedicate your last breath to me
before you bury yourself alive
don't come home for Christmas
you're the last thing I wanna see
underneath the tree
merry Christmas, I could care less
don't come home for Christmas
you're the last thing I wanna see
underneath the tree (don't come home for Christmas)
merry Christmas, I could care less
don't come home for Christmas
you're the last thing I wanna see
underneath the tree (don't come home for Christmas)
merry Christmas, I could care less
but yeah.. rambel over..
i am happy, in a weird way.
realived i suppose.
eli.. come online!!
i wanna talk too youuuu
xxxx |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 4th, 2006|08:06 pm] |
my eye hurts so bad =[
i am going to get medication for it tomorrow.
School was ok today i spose.
i am kinda getting used to everything now.
it wont go back, but i have tryed, so hard.
I am writing xmas cards now.
whoop whoop.
oh my god.
what the fuck is RS?
i dont get a word of it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 26th, 2006|09:34 pm] |
I cant deal with this anymore.
I have ended it with ben basically, beore it even started.
And I liked him SO much
Ever since I ever met him
”When I saw him again, I realised how much this is gunna hurt me”
“I've just been reading Lozzes myspace...
In her "loves" is "texts from him"
I'm just gunna say it
I hate the fact he loves her...
Because its so obvious he loves her way more than he ever loved me
Way more than anyone has ever loved me
I hate the fact shes so gorgeus
So smiley
So outgoing
So fucking Amazing
I HATE IT”
“I can tell that Ben is totally besotted with Loz
He used to say those things to me when he actually liked me”
“Ben has just come out of hospital...
And he didn't even tell me
He told Loz though, he tells her everything.
I'm nothing to him now, even though we're mates, we are not special like we used to be, he won't even tell me THIS?
I hate this.”
“Oh my god
Ben asked Loz out.
And shes like going to say yes.
I really don't no what to say.
I don't no how I feel, because I can't help the fact that I still like him.
I've practically been in love with him for like 4 years!
Shes gunna go out with him, there is nothing I can do about it.
Oh well, I'll just have to take it, hes not gunna be mine forever.”
That’s the reason why
But.. in a way I feel better about it.
I no i did the right thing |
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| walk |
[Nov. 26th, 2006|12:50 pm] |
I love walking the dog, cause it gives me a lot od time to think
it was good as usual...
but this time something hit me.
about.. i may not be bale to have kids.
i realise what i love about my life is have lots of people around me.
siblings.
and i will never be able to give, or have that.
I am talking to tom now
eli's tom.
this is wierd :S |
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| Doctors |
[Nov. 23rd, 2006|09:06 pm] |
was shit.
urgh.. i puked on him.
It was DISCUSTING
I hope there is nothing wrong with me.
I want to have kids.
I friends with Eli again.
I htink.
she is with be right now.
i hope he gets better.
I dont no what to wear tomorrow.
everyone is so judgemental on what youw ere on non uniform day
Its horrible
I hate it.
I have no colthes anyway.
I look like a fat boy.
My confidence about how i look as gone down so much.
i dont feel confortable ust standing still with people looking at me.
eli has lost so much weight and looks amzing.
alex has a great figure
harriet is like.. do i even need to say.
I feel like the fat ugly one that people are just friends with.
I bet when ben sees me he will change his mind.
an di dont blame him.
im going shopping on saturday, but i wont find anything.
i just have to face it.
nothing looks good on me.
i feel so ill today.
i dont want to go to school tomorrow.
whats the point anymore. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 22nd, 2006|08:31 pm] |
I try and stand up for me.
saying that i felt ignored, and that i felt i needed to talk to people
but why is it always turned around into something that i
a) cant control
b) isnt true
c) really upsets me
I dont no why it hurts so much to say that i wasnt there for someone
proberly becuase you try your best to be there, and you were as good friend as you could be
maybe i am just not a good friend
maybe im not trustworthy
or maybe its just because they dont regard me as first
Surely they would no i would do best for them?
she means so much to me..
]
obviosly its not returned.
I need to do something.
get my mind off this.
i feel so sick |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 22nd, 2006|07:39 pm] |
I no understand how stupid i have been
Why did i feel so upset without any contact?
Why am i so scared for otehr people?
I have realised that i might not even be here
im not needed any more.
Im not worried about.
Urgh.. it was so embarrassing at the doctors today.
i have to go back tomorrow =S
Why am i always the one to care for people and not get it back?
why am i always the pushover?
Now i realise im second best
and there is nothing i can do about it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 19th, 2006|09:41 pm] |
how can you go from so happy and high.
to way down low?
i dont no why.
actually yes i do.
but there is nothing i can do to stop it. |
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| stalker |
[Nov. 16th, 2006|08:36 pm] |
raghh.... a man keeps calling me, breathing then hanging up :S
Life is pretty good at the momento =]
To spread my happyness i though i would say sorry, cuasei have been a shit friend reacently,
i i wanted to say sorry, and that i love her to pieces.. and i though for ages what i should say to her.. and i have finally found the perfect words.. (with a little help from TV)
I'll be there for you
When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you
'Cuz you're there for me too...
hehe..=]
xxxxxxxxxx |
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| today |
[Nov. 8th, 2006|05:26 pm] |
Today was goood.
Harriet had to like got to some hocky type thing, and eli was away so it was just me and Al.
We like went into town and the cafe nero woma n spilt my coffee.
An then we went into superdrug woman like sprayed us with a million purfumes and i got the wrong maskara and we ahd to go back about a million times.
and al got flower cream.
We looked for eli after school going into chior, but it was cold, and we got bored.
mind you we aint really freinds atm.
RS was like so fun today!
we had to say 5 positve words about us and then 5 negative ones, and then we had to like draw our souls.
Me and Al were leaning a gainst the window to get the outline and fee cox walked past and like fell over. it was so funny.
I;'m so busy this weekend its unbelievable.
Oh my god, the thing is hurting even more now. shit.
gotta go, my dog needs a walk. |
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| Hmmm |
[Nov. 7th, 2006|08:52 pm] |
I just dont no what to say.
I really dont.. |
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| Solution |
[Oct. 29th, 2006|07:10 pm] |
Right.. if you feel down follow my instructions.
1) Go for a long walk and dance like a loon and forget everything.
2) get home (however you can) and have a long bath
3 Eat lots of fruit.. like 4 things
4) then ben and jerrys :P
5) Watch monty Pyton Films with your slighty derranged family
6) call a freind and plan out a time out together
7) get everything ready for the next day
8) sing your favourite songs till you cant speak anymore
:)
xxxxxxxx |
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| Determined |
[Oct. 29th, 2006|07:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Hommme | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
determined to not get bored :P
I am still in my happyness bubble.. gawd it rocks.
And also another thing sorted.
Alex asked me to go to hers for halloween for a party type thannggg
so she isnt ignoring me.
she was busy apparently, mind you. i didnt call her either
I need to get Eeli happy now.
That is my plan.
My theary is that is she is happy i can steal her and take her to my grave.
muahaha.
Come online dearest... pleaseibob?!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Oh My God my spell worked, she is online now :P
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx |
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